[Her smile falls and she becomes much more forlorn, she's quiet for a moment before she puts a hand to her chest.] He... he is my soul mate, he makes me feel complete and whole in a way no one else ever can. Him not being beside me... it's a giant chasm in my chest where I know he should be and nothing... nothing can fill it. Nothing can come close. I feel... like... like there's a chain and lock around my lungs and until he's beside me again, I'm not going to be able to breathe easily. [She lets out a long breath.] But... as much as I ache, as much as it hurts to wake up every morning here and not have him beside me, not be able to call him or write to him and have him respond, I have other people who I love and who love me. I know he wouldn't want me to live every day just missing him, only focusing on his not being here. And, I have loved ones who need me.

So... I miss him... I can't even begin to put into words how much my world feels like it's just a thin shadow of itself without him here...

But I know Mamoru would never want me in pain, would never want me to only focus on the pain and the longing.

So, for his and my sake, I keep going.

And it's... it's easier to not bring him up, because I will... [She lets out a shaky breath, her eyes now watery.] if I start.... if I start I won't be able to stop and... [She wipes at her cheeks as a few tears fall.] And I just have to remind myself that I only miss him this much because I love him this much.