INBOXText / Voice / Video / Action"Hi! This is Usagi Tsukino, sorry, I can't answer right now but if you leave a message I'll get back to you quick as a bunny! Have a nice day!"code credit
They're... a major hurdle, to be sure. And even knowing that I shouldn't give in to them, I still do, plenty of times. So it's hard work, it gets tiring, sometimes it's easier to give in. But that just makes me more depressed. I imagine it kinda feels the same, right?
I think... that's something you... have to come to terms with. People can forgive you, have forgiven you, but it'll just be words until you can also forgive yourself.
But maybe start with phrasing it... 'I will learn to forgive myself?' Then maybe it won't feel so daunting? Something to work towards rather than just having to accept?
I think it's more that understanding WHY anyone would forgive me is still...rough. Like it doesn't make a lot of sense? I'm still expecting people to see me as some huge fraud or...something. And I know that's all in my own head, I DO get that.
I just always feel like I could be doing better by people.
[He's in an unwinnable race with himself all the time.]
Even IF (and that's a VERY big if, Varian) you did, I love you too much to just walk away.
That... I'm afraid is not anything anyone can convince you of, Vivi. I could tell you all of the VERY TRUE amazing things that make you MORE than "good enough." But you have to be the one to see your own value.
Maybe you just need to... rethink it in a different light, then. Turn the idea on it's head, see it in a new way.
[He's glad to hear talking about it is the right step. He's been nervous about that, about putting too much on people, he doesn't want to be a burden. ]
I guess so. Everyone has so much to deal with themselves, though.
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I think... that's something you... have to come to terms with. People can forgive you, have forgiven you, but it'll just be words until you can also forgive yourself.
But maybe start with phrasing it... 'I will learn to forgive myself?' Then maybe it won't feel so daunting? Something to work towards rather than just having to accept?
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I just always feel like I could be doing better by people.
[He's in an unwinnable race with himself all the time.]
That still sounds pretty daunting, Usagi.
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You're looking for perfection, Varian, and that doesn't exist. No one can be perfect, even you.
You've never been one to back down from a real challenge, daunting or otherwise.
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It's not about being perfect, it's about being good enough.
[It's absolutely about being perfect.]
Those are different challenges though. Those are things I can think my way through. I can't think my way out of this- thinking only makes it worse.
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That... I'm afraid is not anything anyone can convince you of, Vivi. I could tell you all of the VERY TRUE amazing things that make you MORE than "good enough." But you have to be the one to see your own value.
Maybe you just need to... rethink it in a different light, then. Turn the idea on it's head, see it in a new way.
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[He's not convinced it's the right thing, but he knows he won't change her mind on that.]
Maybe. I don't know how right now. It's just... a lot.
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It is a lot. But you know, you're doing a really great, big step by telling others. Not keeping everything in, letting others help you...
When you let people help you, it feels less "a lot" and more manageable.
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[He's glad to hear talking about it is the right step. He's been nervous about that, about putting too much on people, he doesn't want to be a burden. ]
I guess so. Everyone has so much to deal with themselves, though.
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Think about how you feel when I or Fern keep something hurting us to ourselves. It's the same thing.
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...
I guess it is. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not so good at taking my own advice.
[At least he's admitting it. Baby steps. ]
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