lightthedarkness | Deer Country IC Inbox

Happy to help! Let me know if you need more help, okay? I'm always there for my friends, especially when they're dealing with love problems.

Lovely, absolutely. And I'd like it too... this place isn't as bad as Deerington so maybe it could even be that way. The time under Madam Generosity was okay.

I found out later that our love was... essentially a piece to a curse placed on me and my kingdom at birth. My own dealings with the dark side, if you will. And so long as he wants to be with me, I've no intention of letting him go. [She and Mamoru have talked, of course, nights spent in his bed just holding one another, discussing whether or not this is Endymion and Serenity or Usagi and Mamoru. But they would remind one another how different things are, how Usagi and Serenity are different in as many places as they're similar, how she and Mamoru fell in love as Usagi and Mamoru first and that the revelation of their past lives came later.

But he's not here.

And she wonders if she must wait another several thousand years for him, this time, awake and aware.]

So... then swallow your pride, tell him that you don't always know the best answer, because, well, let's be honest, you don't.

In general, even the worst that it has thrown has been so much more manageable. It's unpleasant, but there's ways through it. So, let's cross our fingers and hope for the best with this.

You don't talk much about him. Is it because you miss him so?

[Maul knows just a little of how much it hurts Usagi to away from those that she loves. He can't imagine the pain she feels being separated from Mamoru.

Maul scowls and folds his arms in a stubborn fashion when she tells him what he should be letting Savage know.]

I don't know if even that would be enough. His loyalty can be a bit blinding at times.

[Partially Maul thinks it's the spell that Talzin put upon Savage, to always loyally follow his brother's commands no matter what it was that Maul asked of him.]

Careful we don't jinx ourselves. [Rei's not here to undo a curse.] Moon Presence kept her promise that this place would be gentler.

[Her smile falls and she becomes much more forlorn, she's quiet for a moment before she puts a hand to her chest.] He... he is my soul mate, he makes me feel complete and whole in a way no one else ever can. Him not being beside me... it's a giant chasm in my chest where I know he should be and nothing... nothing can fill it. Nothing can come close. I feel... like... like there's a chain and lock around my lungs and until he's beside me again, I'm not going to be able to breathe easily. [She lets out a long breath.] But... as much as I ache, as much as it hurts to wake up every morning here and not have him beside me, not be able to call him or write to him and have him respond, I have other people who I love and who love me. I know he wouldn't want me to live every day just missing him, only focusing on his not being here. And, I have loved ones who need me.

So... I miss him... I can't even begin to put into words how much my world feels like it's just a thin shadow of itself without him here...

But I know Mamoru would never want me in pain, would never want me to only focus on the pain and the longing.

So, for his and my sake, I keep going.

And it's... it's easier to not bring him up, because I will... [She lets out a shaky breath, her eyes now watery.] if I start.... if I start I won't be able to stop and... [She wipes at her cheeks as a few tears fall.] And I just have to remind myself that I only miss him this much because I love him this much.

Edited 2022-08-02 07:33 (UTC)

She did. And, while the Pthumerians are not safe, most of them are not actively intent on our harm. So I am grateful for that at least.

I will see you soon, though. We should celebrate this together, not just over text!

See you soon! Thanks again for the birthday wishes!

[Most of the time, Usagi is very good at motivating Maul to do better with just kindness and compassion. But sometimes, Maul needs a very large kick in the ass. Right now is one of those times.

He knows enough about Diamond to feel stricken when Usagi compares him to the man who had been so wickedly cruel to her. It makes him feel bad in a way he's only felt on occasion and that is a feeling of intense guilt. Just like comparing him to Sidious often does to him, Maul realizes he's acted like a monster. A stricken expression comes over his face.]

.....I've acted horribly.

[That's all he can manage for a time until his emotions recede enough to start thinking with a clear head.]

I'll give him an apology. A real one. I won't like it but I'll do it.

I never thought I could feel that way about anyone until I met Reaper. But he fills up a part of me I didn't even know was empty and makes me feel like there's no one else I'd rather spend my life with. I want to see his face first thing in the morning after I've slept beside him and know I couldn't ask for anyone more loyal to me.

[Which is just a long, convoluted way of saying he gets it.]

He sounds wonderful. You have such love in your heart and I know he must be a good, kind person for you to love him as much as you do. I know missing him shows that love, just in a different way than it would be if he was here beside you. You're a good person, Usagi, one of the very best I've ever met and I hope he finds his way back to you someday.

[How fortunate for Maul that Usagi's outfit literally always includes ass-kicking boots. She's pretty good at it.

She sees her point hits home and lets out a breath, the tension leaving her shoulders but her jaw is still clenched and she idly rubs it close to ear, trying to ease it away because she's gotten through, that's the point, that's what matters.]

Yeah, you have. [She agrees immediately, giving no quarter. But she takes in another deep breath.]

And give him some space, you both need it right now, I don't think he'd be willing to listen to one right now anyway.

He is wonderful. [She immediately agrees, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping her eyes.] Even you would like him. Everything about him... he's... [He's just himself. He's Mamoru.]

I've waited thousands of years to be beside him, I just... I just have to wait some more, I guess. [Her hands move to her ring, the pink heart-shaped diamond is as much a part of her as her actual crystal. When she is desperate for Mamoru's warmth, she kisses it, and sometimes she imagines he's holding her or that she can smell the earth.

She lets out a breath, aware they've gotten way off track about Savage and Maul's memory.]

I'll do one over the Omni when the time feels right. If we get too close to one another in person, I don't doubt he'll try to kill me.

[Mainly because that's what Maul knows he would do were the positions reversed.]

If he loves you as much as you love him, then I know great happiness shall await you when you two will finally reunite.

[He deliberately says 'will' instead of 'if.' He hates to think that this place would be so cruel as to keep Usagi from her soulmate for all eternity. Eventually, he would come to this place, and then his friend would have the piece of her heart that was missing back again.]

And I shall be glad to get to know him when the time comes.

Honestly, there will likely never be a time where it "feels right" because it's not something you want to do. You're better off doing it when he's cooled down more than anything else.

Just don't fall in love with him.

And you think I'm joking, I am not. [Usagi's ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP has not gone a. single. fucking. year. without someone trying to woo or outright kidnap Mamoru to be with him. Mamoru is just that amazing, she DOES get it. Doesn't make it any less exhausting.] And before you go "oh but I have Reaper."

I don't care.

Edited 2022-09-17 23:03 (UTC)

[Maul folds his arms at that advice from Usagi.]

Does he ever have any moments where he is actually calm? Or just less prone histrionics than others?

Duly noted.

[He would like to say there is absolutely no chance of it happening but he can't be certain. Maul can't always tell how he'll react around people who are genuinely kind to him.]

It is a good thing then that I do not fall in love often.

[Maul's Vileblood had him feeling more sociable and affectionate this month. So when he goes over to Usagi's for their usual nail-care session, he finds himself acting rather like a large spikey cat, which means he immediately swoops her up in a firm hug.]

This month has been horrible.

[He grumps as he finally lets her go.]

Around you? No, probably not, seeing as you killed him day one.

But he has his moments that are sweet. He built me a robot and he's nice... ish to me.

You do, you just don't realize it.

[Usagi was currently shaking the bottle of deep burgundy polish until she was suddenly wrapped up in Maul's arms. She blinked owlishly as Maul initiated. It wasn't that the Sith Lord hadn't hugged her before, but she almost always initiated. She reached up and gently (and carefully) rubbed the back of his head.]

What's wrong?

Of course he's nice to you. Anyone who isn't doesn't know what they're missing out on.

[Frankly, he'll give anyone who doesn't like Usagi a double-take and wonder about their kind of character if they actively dislike his best friend.]

[Maul shifts uncomfortably when Usagi says that.]

Quiet, you.

[He's been without love for so long that sometimes he doesn't realize he still has a lot to give to people around him.]

Well, I think I am going to go find my brother and give him a hug. This memory was a good reminder of what we still have even after losing so much.

Deer Country IC Inbox

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Action; backdated to September

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