lightthedarkness | Deer Country IC Inbox

[He listened to Usagi talk, and not for the first time, he was struck by how much patience and love she had shown him. She wasn't perfect and at any time she could have eventually written him off or put him down for good, deciding he would never turn from his evil, dark ways. He could have gone through life in Deerington and Trench in a horribly miserable state, regenerating each time only to soon be obliterated again by the power of the moon princess.

But she hadn't done that.

Usagi saw something in him worth saving and rehabilitating, so she kept trying to reach him, to love him wholeheartedly until he had finally started to see the small bits of goodness that were within himself. Now he was on the right path thanks to her and would never have to worry he was irredeemable no matter what the other Sleepers thought.

Maul paused Usagi's ministrations, putting his right hand over the small one resting on top of his left.]

Have I told you lately how utterly beautiful and terrifying you can be?

[The two things were linked in his mind. Terror could have beauty in it, a deep, sensual beauty that nonetheless would make its victims quake in their boots when they beheld it. In the Bible, it was said that angels, beings of great wisdom, light, and love would tell people not to be afraid when they visited mere mortals, for the sight of them scared humans in all their splendour. Sailor Moon could be like that, a beautiful, terrifying avenging angel dispensing justice.]

I am....glad you understand. I needed to do this or at least try to gain revenge for what he did to Reaper, for what he did to me by killing my mate. And in the end it mattered little for I could not kill him and he could not kill me. So the matter is at an end.

[Maul would still be holding a grudge against Lance but he wasn't going to seeking out the man again actively in order to bring about his own brand of justice. The stalemate would be a lasting one unless Maul was provoked again.]

[When he put his free hand atop hers, she blinked, looking up at him. When he said that, she smiled, tilting her head.]

No, you haven't in a while, but I always like hearing it. [She still liked to hear she was beautiful, and no one had really said it in a while and meant it. She managed to get all the old polish off, moving to her cuticle clipper to deal with hangnails.

She knew that terrifying and beautiful were linked in Maul's mind, though Usagi never WANTED to be considered terrifying even though she was very much aware there were a number of people who were just that where she was concerned. ]

I do understand. [She responded.] I don't approve. [She locked her gaze with him.] But I do understand. [She began to dig into the hangnail on his middle finger.] Geeze, what did you do, chew on them?

[She scowled as she finally got everything clean before putting the claw she just finished working on back into the water dish and moving on to the other.]

So, is there anything else you want to say about it? We can move on to something else, if you want?

I am glad for that. There are some here who will do neither and I have no patience for them in this situation.

[He was sure some people would whine and howl about how this was proof he was just a soulless monster who wanted to destroy and kill everyone around him but this was just something Maul had needed to do and absolutely no one would have been able to talk him out of it, not even his brother or Usagi if either of them had cared to tried.

He grumbled just a little bit as Usagi continued to work on his hands.]

I was in a battle! [He protested. That would have been enough to tear up anyone's hands.

He paused a moment and thought.]

Well, I took out a large chunk of some streets in Prufrock. There is one shop owner who seems to think I am his personal nemesis now since his entire shop now lies in ruins.

[Maul was trying not to sound proud of that fact but failing miserably. The little old man, who barely came halfway up to Maul's chest, had followed him down the street after the battle was over yelling at him the whole way about what a menace he was and how he was going to create a special piece of jewelry just to curse Maul with and how he was never going to be allowed back on this particular street in Prufrock ever again.]

Some people might have gotten hurt and I know I should feel something about that but I just don't right now.

Maul, no offense, you barely have patience for me most days. [She used next manicure tool to get underneath his claws, wiping out the grime onto a napkin.]

I battle all the time too, my nails never look like this. [She held up his claw, one of his nails had been snapped clean off and she began to file them as best she could to 1. be sharper, but 2. be close to the same length.]

You know, I know you don't care about it, but you should still make amends. Lance was your target, the people of Prufrock don't deserve to deal with everything you did and to fix what YOU broke or destroyed. You don't HAVE to feel bad about it, but you should still do what you can to make up for YOUR actions. [She paused in her filing to take a sip of her hot cocoa.]

Edited 2021-11-22 05:41 (UTC)

[He did grin a little at Usagi's blunt words.] Only when teaching or meditating. [The former because it was the exact opposite of how Sidious had taught him and the latter because the Force just made it so much easier for him to access parts of himself that he normally had trouble bringing into focus.]

That's because I don't think you've ever used your hands to try and claw someone's eyes out. [Maul, Maul, Maul. He really needed to work on his conflict resolution skills.

He scowled at what Usagi told him to do.]

I am not at that point yet. People keep saying how I should care about everyone else around me but I just don't. And I don't understand how they do it either. I care about some people. I care about you, my family, and my friends. But people as a whole? [He shook his head.] I don't know how to do that and feel no need to.

[At the "claw someone's eyes out" comment, she looked down at her hands, what he didn't know was that everything was ready so quickly because she had cut off every claw that had been on her own fingers earlier. Her tongue idly ran over her fangs and she gave an idle shrug.]

My way of fighting tends to be all or nothing. [She either healed them or destroyed them, there was no in-between.]

I'm not saying you CARE. I'm saying you act like an ADULT and take responsibility for YOUR actions, you giant baby. [She hissed out.] You don't have to care about everyone, you don't have to care about anyone, honestly. But you fix what you broke and you broke a whole damn neighborhood. [She scowled, keeping her head bowed to hide her fangs since she was gritting them and filing a little harder than she would usually intend.]

This is true. I've seen it enough times to know that by now. [When Usagi wanted someone dead, there was no traces left of them to be found afterwards. Maul himself was an example of that.]

What do you suggest then? I hardly think anyone is going to want me to help them rebuild after what they saw. They're all terrified of me now. [He said grumpily, a stubborn expression on his face. This "actions have consequences" thing was really starting to become a pain. He preferred the days when he just cut huge swathes of death and destruction without ever a care for what trauma he left in his wake for those that survived his wrath.]

[Maybe pick better actions then, Maul. She began painting the base coat, deciding to go with the rainbow of red, orange, brown, yellow, and burgundy.]

Well, since you can't exactly just FIX homes, you can help with clean-up, like moving giant pieces of rubble and debris out of the streets or off the land. We're about to hit winter and you've caused a whole bunch of people to lose their homes, Maul. So have someone reach out to them about helping them get a new home to live in that's safe and warm. Hell, do what you do best, kill some giant animal and leave it on their doorstep for food, SOMETHING since you destroyed a whole bunch of lives. Since you can't be assed to care about random strangers whose lives you've wrecked, pretend it's my home you're doing this for, or Varian's, or Savage. [She scowled and reshook the bottle of yellow since it was so gloopy.]

Edited 2021-11-23 19:43 (UTC)

[Maul scowled and sunk back into the couch. Before, when he did something wrong, he just moved on and never thought about it again. Now, seeing the aftermath of what happened tended just to make him more annoyed than feeling in a charitable mood to fix what he'd done.]

.....I'll think about it.

[That was all he was willing to offer at this time.]

Let us speak of something else.

Fine.

I'm trying to teach Obi-Wan how to heal using the Force.

[There, something else, just as requested.]

[Maul was grateful she indulged him when he wanted a change of subject.]

Oh? How goes that? Force Healing is a difficult art, or so it is said in the old books I have read, and one only those on the Light Side are said to possess. But I’ve no doubt he’ll be good at it once he can learn how to do it well.

Unsurprisingly, he got it on the first session. Which I very much guarantee has everything to do with HIM being Obi-Wan and literally nothing about my being his teacher.

[Because why would Usagi possibly think she's good at anything outside of sleeping, eating, shopping, and video games?]

I'm sure he'll be an even better healer than I am. [Usagi, you can and DID heal the galaxy, give yourself SOME credit.] People will likely actually GO to him for healing too, I'm sure. [Which... is a sticking point for the blonde. All the ability to heal again and no one will ever let her.]

Edited 2021-12-03 06:05 (UTC)

Don't discount your contributions too much. He wouldn't have had the first idea where to start unless you pointed him in the right direction.

[Maul is here for all the times his friends need to hear compliments when they can't love themselves.]

People are foolish and that is something neither of you can cure, I am afraid. I let you heal me all the time and I am better off for it.

Well, I will say, the Force is... interesting. I told him to ask it for help and that seemed to do the trick. I've always asked my powers for help, never "told" them what to do, you know? Even when I transferred my powers to another person or people gave me theirs, it was always at my request.

You'd be one of the few. [She frowns.] I mean, I understood back in Deerington, that place MESSED with my powers. But that isn't the case anymore. Sometimes I think I should offer it out on the Omnis. But I don't know that people would believe me.

That is the opposite of what the Sith believe. It is told that the Force is there to serve the wielders, not the other way around. I was taught to bend the Force to my will, to make it obey me and become its master. [But between Usagi and Vyng, he's had quite a bit to think about recently regarding the whole way that he approaches the Force. Then the second half of what she says hits him.] You never told me before that you can transfer your powers to someone else.

[But given Maul's obsession with gaining power and how he'd stolen her heart in Deerington, he knows there are good reasons why Usagi likely wouldn't want him to know about that particular ability.]

If people don't take you up on the offer, then that's their prerogative to be foolish. You can't force people to do what is best for them no matter how hard you try.

[Maul's relationship with her is proof enough of that already.]

I wonder what might happen if you asked instead? [She had finished the second coat, waiting for it to dry as she moved for the clear topcoat.]

And you've never actually asked about my powers. [She tilted her head, her thumb idly running along the back of his hand.] But yes, I can. I can transfer my powers to another. I can do massive amounts or small amounts. I get them back, I'm not able to give a portion of my powers and let people keep it yet. And I can accept the powers of others, too. I mean, all things considered, I could probably accept the Force, if we tried. But for me to transfer my power, it has to be an active decision on my part. For you to transfer your powers to me, it has to be an active decision on yours. [She's not sure she could take someone's powers by force, even if she tried, but she has no desire to find out.]

It does make me feel... helpless, though, knowing I can help and unable to.

Edited 2021-12-08 06:30 (UTC)

I....don't know. I'm not sure I know how. [To ask the Force to help him instead of demanding that it do what he asked was something he would have been taught from the time he was a child if he had been taken by the Jedi but it's a skill he feels is still beyond him right now.] Maybe I'll ask Obi-Wan sometime.

[If he can stand to be around the Jedi long enough to be taught anything. Sometimes, his old hatred does make that a bit harder even if he's getting better about tolerating his old foe's presence much better.]

Hmmmm, yes, there is much about you I don't know. [He admits. Maul could be terribly self-centered about that but he is trying to make an effort to ask after Usagi more often.] I am trying to be better about that.

I won't lie and say that doesn't make me burn with curiosity at what might happen if either occurred. [Sailor Maul? Darth Moon?

Maul's eyes soften up in expression and he leans in, gently pressing his forehead up against her's since his hands are still being painted.]

You already do so much to help people even if you're not physically healing them. Just look at me. How many people in this town have already written me off as some psychopathic monster that will only ever be interested in hurting others? I've been waiting for you to do the same and it's never happened and I'm all the better for it.

Try. What's the worse that could happen? [She reached over for the acetone and a cotton swab to take care of some mild spillage on his skin.]

I know. [She looked up at him, smiling.] And I appreciate that you are. So to answer your question, yes, I can transfer my power. I control for how long and how much. So if you really want to try it, we can. [She closed her eyes and smiled when he rested his forehead against hers, knowing he was always so careful about his horns on her skin.]

See, I can tell you right now that when you took my crystal you got a hint about my power. But you were still using the crystal without my permission. It's a very different feeling when I willingly give it. It will... flow through you differently. I don't know how my crystal feels when it's by force because it's a part of me. I can't exist without it.

But what I can tell you is how it will feel when I give it, because I know how it feels for me.

It will be warm, welcoming, and loving. [She moved to rest her fingers atop his hands, keeping their foreheads pressed together. Then she lightly ran her nails up along his arms.] It will feel like it both is and isn't a part of you, that it's always been there but also never existed. You will feel ancient and new all at once. [She moved her hands up to his shoulders and then down his chest.] It will wrap around your core and make you feel like you can achieve miracles. [She pressed her palm where one of his hearts rested. She then moved up to rest her hands on either side of his head, careful of his horns. Usagi and her crystal were, ultimately, intrinsically linked. She could not exist without it. It could not be properly used without her.] Light will course through your veins, your cells, every bit of your being, and it will... feel like nothing you've felt before, not even when I've healed you.

[She pulled her hands away.]

It will do exactly as you ask because my crystal knows I wouldn't have given my power without fully trusting in that person.

But... I don't know how it feels when it leaves you. [Because it never has.]

As for leaving you. [She smiled and tilted her head.] I thought I told you, you're stuck with me. There are going to be times I'm angry with you, when I'm upset by something you've done. [Glitch immediately came to mind.] But the moon exists in darkness for a reason.

It might decide to never obey me ever again? [Maul pointed out. He felt he had to order the Force around because asking would just seem like weakness and then he would no longer be able to access the abilities that were so much a part of himself it would feel not being able to breathe to be without them.

Maul listened and went completely silent as Usagi told him of what having her power would be like and as she ran her hands over his skin. To be honest, it sounded so fantastic as to be overwhelming if all that she said was true. Yet he still was intrigued by the idea, of having that much power at his fingertips, to be able to accomplish whatever he wanted. Would it finally be enough, that much power, to satisfy the ache inside of him? To finally silence the voice that kept telling him that only by having enough power would he feel safe, secure, and be able to protect all those that he loved? He wasn't sure and still his mind ached for that kind of power that Usagi could provide.]

Maybe....maybe that would finally be enough.

[Usagi would know what he meant. He had told her all about his quest and obsession for power, how he thought that enough would finally give his mind peace and stop him from always going onwards and wanting more.

He smiled back at her a little bit.]

You just need to keep telling me that every day until I completely believe it. [He wasn't even joking about that. Maul was so afraid of people leaving him that he needed to be told over and over again that they wouldn't until it became a reality.]

Maybe, or maybe you'll feel even stronger in the Force than you've ever felt. Both are possibilities. Or maybe nothing will change at all. Also a very real possibility.

[She did know what she meant and she pressed her lips together before shaking her head.]

....No. [She sighs, softly.] It won't. [She looked up at him.] Because... in the end, the power wouldn't stay with you, it has to come back to me. [She tilted her head.] ... And... I wonder if that would be even worse for you, knowing what that feels like and not being able to keep it in the end.

[She doesn't bother to talk about what having as much power as she does actually equates to. She knows he won't listen to her saying that even having all the power in the universe, being the strongest being in the universe equaled only by Chaos, your cosmic equal, it does not protect everyone like you want it to.]

[Maul frowned. He knew that Usagi was right, of course, but it didn't make the thought any easier to bear. It was one thing to know he didn't have enough power right now to do all that he wished to but the idea that he'd have it for only a short time before having to give it back was unbearable. He knew that such a thing would eat him up inside and he'd become obsessive over having it once again.]

Perhaps you are right. Maybe it is better not to know at all. [He pauses and flexes his claws, examining the color now painted onto them.] Besides, it is a bit of a moot point. I am sure you would need a good reason to give me such power and fortunately we have no dire reason to do so right now in town.

[With what came each month though, Maul wasn't certain such a moment would sneak up on them despite all their best efforts.]

[She doesn't bother to tell him that she's able to give it literally whenever she chooses, it is her magic, after all, it is her power. She asks and it comes. She merely nods.]

Maybe we can try asking the Force first?

And don't jinx it, there will likely come a "good reason" with Trench.

Yes. We can. But later on.

[Maul's not in a good headspace to be asking the Force anything when he's still fuming over the fact he didn't kill Lance and how exhausted his body still is physically.]

But hopefully not for a very long, long time.

Later on.

[She agreed and then sat back.]

Well, now you've definitely jinxed us. [She grinned.]

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